Mar 13, 2024
Success in life — that looks different for everyone. But skills like persistence, managing frustration and emotional regulation tend to scaffold that success, no matter what the end result looks like.
These skills are all part of what scientists call executive function, something we’re focusing on this season. We like to talk about executive function, because young children have lots of chances to practice these skills!
In this episode, we look at how to build frustration tolerance. One of the best ways to do that is to play games — games where your child occasionally loses! Joining My New Life Host Jessica Rolph is Licensed Clinical Social Worker and founder of Starr Therapy, Talia Filippelli. She is a Genius of Play ambassador and has contributed to the Emotional Wellness Playbook.
Takeaways:
Our brains develop back to front
over our lifespan, and the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible
for executive function, isn’t fully developed until age 30. So
adjust your expectations accordingly! Play is a great place to
start building these skills.
Coach your child through losing a
game, rather than avoiding your child’s unhappiness at all costs.
Explaining that every game has a loser, can help develop
appropriate expectations. Talia starts games with her child by
explaining: “I can’t tell you who’s going to win. I can’t predict
the future. We don’t know how this is going to go.”
If your child’s frustration is
mounting (particularly if siblings are involved) encourage them to
take a pause and to recognize the signals in their body: “I can see
you’re getting frustrated. And I can tell because I see you’re
moving all your pieces around...” Then validate their feelings and
encourage them to put their feelings to words: “Tell me about
what’s making you feel frustrated about this game.” If children
don’t have the language to express what they’re feeling, they will
often resort to behaviors, some of them unwelcome.
The Lovevery wooden emotion dolls
can help with emotional coaching. Ask your child where they feel
the frustration in their body and point it out on the figure.
With children who prefer tasks and games that are easy for them, Talia likes to introduce the word “challenge”. “You’re so good at this game, why not go for something that’s going to be a little harder and see how you do? Challenges can be fun!”
Mentioned in this episode:
Brought to you by Lovevery.com
Find Talia Filippelli at Starr Therapy
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